Slow and steady wins the race - mostly

Clematis Armandii

When we first moved in here we were desperate to cover the tall fences that surround our garden as quickly as possible. So we scoured the internet for quick-growing climbers and bought what we thought were several fine specimens: Clematis Armandii 'Snowflake', Clematis Montana 'Grandiflora', and the quick-growing evergreen honeysuckle Halls Prolific (Lonicera Japonica 'Halls Prolific').

With hindsight, it was something of a mistake, as these three are basically the hooligans of the plant world. Halls Prolific is quick-growing, but beyond that it's a thoroughly useless plant - it gets mildew in summer, has feeble flowers and scrappy leaves. Clematis Montana at least has pretty foliage, but it grows so explosively that you spend half your life hacking it back to prevent it from covering the entire garden. Clematis Armandii throws out positively triffid-like shoots all summer and is covered sparsely in tough leathery leaves. You have to attack it as often as possible, otherwise it grows up and up, leaving a sickly trail of bare stems and the odd lonely leaf in its wake.

I'm being a bit unkind; the thugs lining our fence have done their job, but it doesn't stop me from being jealous of our neighbours pretty, and good-natured, slow-growing quince.

And for a few glorious weeks of the year I can just about forgive the Armandii its many and varied sins; it flowers early, and abundantly. Ours has just come out, so for the moment at least it's spared the secateurs. 

The thug on the fence. Don't be deceived by its delicate appearance.